Thankful x 3

So Thanksgiving is tomorrow and like the rest of the country is doing (or should be doing :), I've been thinking a lot about thankfulness...

...Especially in light of the new addition coming to our family Spring 2011.


Many of you probably don't know that there were several years that Jason and I wondered if we'd ever have children. Growing up, it's one of those things you assume....You know, you get married and have kids (though sometimes not in that order) - but none-the-less, it's something I assumed...blindly assumed.

Three years after throwing out the pill with no baby to show for it, we decided to see a specialist who gave us hope and a very calculated plan -but three months and several painful procedures later - nothing.

They gave us the option of me having surgery (which insurance covered, but required 6 weeks of down time) or starting a "shot" regimen (which was $1,000+ a month that insurance didn't cover).

We decided to take a month off to pray - believing God had a purpose and plan for our lives, but truly having no idea what it was!

It was that month off that Julia, our sweet miracle, came to be.

The years before she came into our lives, I felt tested like I've never been tested before. I knew God knew our heart's desire, but His silence to it was confusing. Yet it was in that silence I found myself desparate to know Him more. If He was going to be quiet, I wasn't. I grew more as a Believer and a person more in those years than I had ever before.

During this time, I had to learn how to be thankful despite not getting my way - something I had never really had to do and a lesson I have tried to apply in every dark circumstance I've encountered since...."Give thanks in everything" took on a whole new meaning and was not something that came easily to me, but I knew it was a place I needed to be and I got there....after a lot of kicking and screaming and reflection and truth-searching.

So here I am sitting 6 years since seeing those beautiful pink lines telling me God finally said "yes!" and I am overwhelmed to the point of it almost being unthinkable that we will be a family of 5. I am grateful beyond measure for the gifts in my life. Even on the hardest days, I go to bed smiling amazed at God's goodness to me and my family.

I share this story to share my belief in God's faithfulness, not to broadcast how blessed I think I am...I know many people still waiting for their "Yes!" - and I hope my story brings you hope and confidence in what God is doing in your life....

Have a very Happy Thanksgiving and I trust this season you, too, find yourself thankful for everything He sends your way....

Like Lazarus...

Did I ever tell you that we announced our pregnancy with Julia at my sister Joanna's birthday only to have Julia be born a few days before her high school graduation? I hope it didn't take any wind out of her sails on her special days....

So on the afternoon of September 24 when I took a HPT that was positive I kind of laughed at the irony knowing my sister Grace was getting engaged that night! Being early in the pregnany as I was (and from sad experiences before), we decided to keep this little surprise to ourselves for a little bit...

I called the dr. and asked for a beta HCG blood test where they draw 2 days apart and look for an increase in your levels. My first draw was on a Tuesday and second was on Thursday.

Anxious to hear the results, I called the dr office after my Thursday lab to see what the starting numbers were. The little old nurse had to look it up on the website and after a few minutes came back and said, "I don't know the context of the results, but your HCG is negative and your progesterone is 0.1." I told her that I was hoping to be pregnant, but I guess this wasn't our time. I hung up very, very sad thinking "why did I even go get the second lab work done?"

We hadn't told our families and I was going back and forth about ever telling them. Why make them sad? I didn't need any pity and with Grace getting married there was so much happiness going around. I didn't feel the need to damper any of it...

On October 4th, 5 days after hearing the bad news, I was sitting at my desk on my first day back to work since having the summer off when I got a call from the dr. office. They had my second results. Again, I was thinking what does it matter....until the nurse on the line said, "The doctor looked at your HCG numbers. They went from 46 to 126 and he is pleased with the increase...."

I stopped her. "Ma'am, I spoke to a nurse on Thursday. She said my test was negative. She said I had no HCG levels....Are you sure you are talking to the right person? "

Silence.

"Let me bring up the website and double check."

...and I waited for 3 minutes on hold...

"Rachel, I looked it over and had my manager look it over and you are pregnant. These are your results - no doubt about it."

Like Lazarus coming back days later...The little life I grieved instantly reappeared in my heart...

Needless to say, I was speechless sitting in my little cube. The nurse went on how they wanted me to get one more HCG draw (which came back great) and wanted me to schedule my first OB appt.

So this past Monday Jason and I got to see Baby E #3's heartbeat flickering away on the ultrasound screen....I'm swinging from absolute delight to absolute terror (being outnumbered freaks me out) to absolute nausea...

Still, so thankful to God how He's growing our family.....Here's to a much less eventful 7 months or so! :)

ps: If you are wondering if I'm P.O'd at my doctor's office, I'm not. It was a ridiculous mistake, but an honest one. No one was hurt and if anything, it has led me to trust God in ways I never gave thought to before....He is the giver of life - not medicine, HCG levels, or even us. Worry, doubt and fear should have no control over me....and I'm using this little blessing as my little reminder. :)

Joshua has taught me....

> that I can play golf while using the restroom if asked so many times

> that bears, lions and dinosaurs pretty much make the same sound

> that peeing like a fountain in the bath tub is way cool

> that boys really do sleep with their baseball, football, basketball and toy gun

> that if I'm seen with a fly swatter, his golf club becomes a fly swatter and furniture/people become his flies

> that sleeping in is over-rated

> that Buzz is more fun than Woody

> that dogs are not easily forgotten...and will be prayed for despite being 6 ft under

>that ketchup should count as a fruit serving

> that the world stops for "diggers" (aka excavators)

> that male fascination with "boobies" begins at a very early age

> that watching Barney is worth it when he gives me "a great big hug and a kiss from me to you"

...and I'm sure this is just a start for many more lessons to come....

The Big "K"

Just over five years ago, my sweet Julia burst onto the scene of our lives. She was born screaming - and pretty much hasn't stop making her presence known since. She is all girl - sweet and sassy, strong-willed and sensitive, cautious and fearless, glitter and glitz. She loves nature walks and Barbie dolls, having her hair "done" and watching silly movies with her dad. She sucks her thumb when she's tired, nervous, bored and/or watching TV.

She lives to play with her best friend Lexie. She prefers "high" heels to flip flops and a dress is not a dress unless it "spins." She hasn't left the house without wearing pink in some form since I can remember.

Her hugs and kisses are the sweetest because she just doesn't hand them out to everyone and she is a perfect snuggler...She is one of those girls with beautiful curly ringlet hair who wishes it was straight. Her eyes are ocean blue and sparkle each time she gets her way. They storm when she doesn't. Her temper has yet to be tamed, but I am hopeful still.

Her love for her brother is as deep as her capacity to aggravate him. He adores her anyway.

She is everything and more to me...and is starting Kindergarten today...

Where these past 5 years went, I will never know...I just hope the next 5 are as wonderful and exciting....

Two Years of Joshy Sweetness

Two years ago today, I was so tired and so huge that Jason had me spend the morning on the couch while he and Julia tidied up the house. My ankles were non-existent, my wedding ring sat in my jewelry box as a fake one 3 sizes bigger squeezed my swollen finger.

After lying around all morning, we decided to make a Babies 'R Us run. Our crib had just been recalled and we were having a hard time finding one we liked. While there, I was checking out a rocker and a lady looked at me and said..."Girl you look ready. My daughter thinks she ready, but she doesn't look ready like you look ready." I laughed and told her I was sooo ready, but had to wait until Friday July 4 to be induced....

After the store, we stopped by Jason's parents to go for a swim. It was sweltering hot and a dip in the pool was just what this momma needed. Julia and Jason hopped right in, but I got caught up in talking to Barb, my MIL about the baby coming and their plans to remodel their kitchen...

Before I could get in the pool, a HUGE storm hit. Rain, wind, thunder, lightening, hail - this storm had it all. So we just had fun inside chatting as we waited for the storm to pass...

When the skies cleared, we got our things ready to go. I had just said good-bye to Jim my FIL, when I turned toward the door and felt a pop...followed by the gush of water like peeing your pants w.out peeing your pants.

It was 4pm. Everyone was in the foyer at that point and for a second I remember thinking "I'll just tell them later" - but not being about to hide my freaked-outedness, I walked to the door and said, "Um, I think my water just broke." My MIL quickly escorted my out of the house (who can blame her?!?) and asked, "Are you sure it wasn't from the pool?" - I didn't go in the pool. "Are you sure you didn't...um...wet yourself?" - At 28 yrs old, I knew the difference :) - Joshua Robert was on his way!

We called the dr office to let them know. Dr. Mary Ellen Leary was on call...All my OakCreek OBGYN girls know this lady is not known for her bedside manner. She delivered Julia so I knew first hand the chill she brings in the room. If we have a 3rd baby, I'm asking for Dr. Little and Dr. Patels home phones! jk.

She told me to go straight to the hospital. I said "OK" and headed straight for home! I had to have my bag and labor music...Contractions were light and far apart so I was confident we had a little time.

So we went from Springboro to Lebanon (where Jo and Matt picked Julia up at our house) and then on to the hospital. The storm had knocked trees over on St Rt 48 so we were going at 35 mph when contractions started getting stronger. It felt like a sit com for a while as I thought about the possibility of having him in the car...Thankfully, once we got into Centerville, Jason hit the gas and it was smooth sailing.

We got checked in to the hospital around 5:30pm. I was 4-5 cm, 80% effaced and convinced that it was going to be a loooong night. Around 6:30pm I was "allowed" to walk around (note to self with/if next baby: I will walk around when I feel like walking around), my contractions were coming closer and closer. I kept imagining each one like I was climbing up a hill and then running down a hill. It hurt, but with breathing and moving, it was bearable.

Our nurses switched at 7pm and I totally remember being under control thanking her as she said good-bye. The new nurse wanted to check me around 7:20pm so I got back in the bed and was about 8cm...That's when the HOLY $*#*% contractions started. I could not get up. I could not catch my breath. I could not think. One after another after another. I asked for an epidural. The schmuck anesthesiologist kept telling me to sit up..."you have to sit up...come on, it's time to sit up", but I just couldn't. I remember thinking, "I wished he got paid by the epi, cuz I am not getting one from him!" As soon as I had a 10 sec break from contractions, I sat up and at that moment I HAD.TO.PUSH! As I told the nurse, 5 nurses rushed in the room. One of them kicked the schmuck out (thank God) and the others got ready for this baby to be born.

I was 10cm and w.out any drugs, so let me tell you, I was ready to go...except the Dr. wasn't there yet...and the nurses told me I couldn't push (note to self with/if 3rd baby: tell the nurses to get their gloves on cuz I.AM.PUSHING!). I did some sort of feather breathing for 20 minutes of pure hellish pain when Dr. Leary flew in. I pushed once or twice and Joshua was born at 8:08pm weighing 8lbs 5oz and 21" long. He came out crying as they laid him on my chest. It was amazing and perfect...Jason was there holding my hand. My mom was somewhere behind me bc that was my rule :). It will forever be one of the most glorious moments of my life.


He truly is the sweetest boy to ever walk the earth...Being his and Julia's mommy is the most treasured title I could ever have...

So...Happy 2nd Birthday, Sweet Joshua Boy! I love you!

Vanilla Sweetness

So I'm trying desperately to make the house look like I've done something productive since Jason last saw it this morning...

The kids and I spent the entire afternoon playing outside while breakfast, lunch and snack dishes were piled up in the sink and the dishwasher was full of clean dishes I hadn't emptied. On the other side of the kitchen sits our waste basket filled to the brim. I have squished down 10 times or more in hopes it can fit one more juice box. Julia's PJ's are in the middle of the great room floor next to 3 towels used to dry 3 kids off from the sprinkler escapade earlier...There is more, but you get the point, right?

As I was scurrying around the house tossing everything here and there to give the fake impression that I am the stellar house wife I should be, Joshua started having a melt down. He saw a box of Vanilla Wafers and HAD.TO.HAVE.IT. I was in a hurry and tossed him one, which he tossed on the floor and reached for the box. Annoyed at his disregard for my "kindness" but more intent on him being quiet and let me clean, I handed him the box as he was standing on the chair next to me at the kitchen sink.

He pulled a cookie out. "Mau-mee," he said with the sweetest little boy smile. His squishy hand was outstretched holding the cookie out for me to take as a gift...I took it and then he went on his merry little way...like he just wanted to do something nice for me :)

Oh, how I love him!

How (not) to Pick a Pre-School

December of 2006, Jason and I happily/nervously/prayerfully signed papers to build a house in Lebanon, Ohio. It seemed like all the cards fell into place...We were 5 minutes from my parents and 10 minutes from Ridgeville Christian - the private Christian school I attended kindergarten through 12th grade. While I can't say I always LOVED the school, but looking back, I know those wonderful people helped shape me into the person I am (and I like myself :) so we decided that would be a great place for Julia and any more babies we would have.

May of 2007, the school announced is was closing. After 40+ years, they close 5 months after we signed our life away to build this house...nice...leaving a HUGE gap in the 16 yr plan I had for my child(ren).

So when the time came, we went with our very distant 2nd choice. Putting our smiley faces on over-drive, we were certain Julia would hit the floors of mini-acedemia running - and then I met her teacher...She was pleasant, I suppose, but when I saw her, there were no warm fuzzies...I kept telling Jason "She's just not a pre-school teacher" - and he had no idea what I meant until 4 months into the school year, she quit to be an office manager at a dental office. Here's to mommy-intuition! Julia's new teacher was amazing. She hugged the children and just seemed happy to be there...She was a pre-school teacher...but retired after the year was over...

So we started a new year this past fall. Another nice, but no warm fuzzy teacher. She didn't say "hi" to Julia when she came in. She didn't say "good-bye" let alone hug Julia as she left. The few times she acknowledged me were to inform me Julia wasn't using scissors right or Julia hid under the table when she couldn't be line leader. Now I don't expect a parade every time my child enters a room, but I like/expect manners and want to leave them with a smiling teacher who appears happy that she's there.

The day of the Christmas program, her teacher came up to me and said that she didn't know what to do with Julia who was sitting against the wall quietly while 3 boys stood in the hall hitting each other and 2 other girls were crying for Lord only knows what reason....and the teacher is outing Julia. Later the teacher told me she thought Julia was upset because she wanted a solo and the teacher didn't think Julia could do it. I should have ran out the door with Julia in tow at the moment...My degree is not education. It is not in child psychology, but I know you don't put limits on a 4 yr old like that, right? Even if the song was totally botched, I for one, love children singing for that very reason! They are cute and precocious.

After another similar incident, we decided we were done. I know it's just pre-school, but I just couldn't have my child told she couldn't do something, when we tell her the world is hers. If that's their philosophy, we fold. We are out.

We are starting a new school on Monday. Her teacher, coincidentally, went to Ridgeville. Julia met her on Friday. I am happy to report Miss Angela was smiling, welcoming and just a complete 180 from we had experienced at the other school. I gave her a little back ground of our reason for moving and my heart jumped when her mouth dropped as I recounted the teacher's dismissal of Julia's potential. Vindication!

I know this is another ramble of a blog, but I just thought I get the story out there and say...Moms, go with your intuition!