There have been several moments in my life where one phrase or one look or one prayer showed me instantly that my life was going to change....I remember the feeling in my heart the first time I met Jason, first sight of my two older children and a few other times here and there.
Thursday, April 14, I had that same feeling after my routine dr. appt. when my doctor told me gently to go straight to the hospital and "let's not worry about making your next appt." I walked out thinking "this guy doesn't think I'm coming back!" My blood pressure was high, there was a lot of protein in my system and all signs pointed to pre-eclampsia. While I didn't know at the time that that would lead to my baby being born 48 hours later at 32 weeks, I knew my plans for this baby had just been thrown out the window.
I got to the hospital around noon. My nurse Jane's eyes bugged out when she took my blood pressure. After the results of my blood work came in, I was told I'd be spending the night...Then within hours of being admitted, I was told I wasn't going home before I delivered the baby. Needless to say, I was freaked out. I didn't have my hospital bag packed. I didn't have arrangements for the big kids (though if you know my amazing family, that didn't matter as my parents and sisters stepped in w/out question)...and most of all - This was NOT part of my birth plan!
I had extensively planned in my mind how this baby was to be born. I would have no drugs. No narcissistic doctor. A perfect Baby Seth iPod playlist (which I did have happily). A "my way or the highway" attitude with nurses who tried to tell me what to do. Breastfeed right away. Walk around shortly after showing off my beautiful 8 pound or so baby boy. Then leave a day later as a family of 5.
The story played out very differently.
I found myself hooked up to something medical at every extremity. Leg wraps to prevent blood clots. A blood pressure cuff that went off every 20 minutes. A huge IV port...and the dreaded catheter. Oh, and someone taking blood from the underside of my fore arm what felt like every few hours. There was no walking around. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth tips didn't matter anymore. I was bedridden.
Instead of telling the nurses what I wanted or didn't want, I was at their mercy. I became so weak that I could barely speak or lift my head, so drugged that reality was hazy and so swollen I could hardly see those a few feet in front of me. With all of this, I do remember these angels of women coming in to make sure I had what I needed and who tried to keep me as comfortable as possible. They did what they needed to, quite frankly, keep me and my baby alive - and I will forever be grateful for their skill and compassion.
The dr.
(who thankfully was NOT the same one I had with Julia and Josh, but is now allowed to deliver my pizzas ;) wanted to hold off delivery until Sunday to give the steroid shots I'd been given enough time to be fully effective in preparing the baby's lungs for air, but by Saturday afternoon it was apparent that my body was not going to keep the baby healthy and this pregnancy was putting my health in serious jeopardy. His heart rate was falling as were my red blood counts while my liver enzymes were rising. At 1pm, the dr. came in and told us we'd be having our baby in 3o minutes. A nurse came in and said the anesthesiologist could be ready in 2 hours. My doctor shook her head and said, "No, we need him right now." I was numb. I'm not sure if it was the drugs, my trust in the doctor or my trust in God - maybe all three, but I couldn't freak out. I couldn't cry over the possibilities of harm to my baby being forced out of his perfect home 8 weeks early or panic in fear of a C-section. Jason and I just stared at each other with a quiet solidity knowing we had no other choice.
They wheeled me to the OR and after a horrible epidural experience with Julia's delivery, I closed my eyes the whole way down the hall and prayed that the spinal would work - Thank God it did....
I don't know how many people were in the operating room. It felt like 100. I couldn't see faces - just a host of pe
ople in yellow scrubs. I do, though, distinctly remember my doctor casually talking about her husband's profession and how they have their trust (as in legal - not marital) set up. Hearing her talk so non-chalantly gave me the impression I was ok. I mean, if this was a life or death situation, would her husband's career path really be relevant?
After a few minutes and a lady practically jumping up and down on my chest (I still don't know what that was about), Baby Seth Freeman Ennis was born at 1:42pm weighing 3 pounds and 8 ounces. He was 16 inches long and came out screaming...I had prayed he'd come out crying and his sweet cry gave me peace.
The neonatologist (I think) gave me a quick look at Seth and whisked him off to be evaluated. I heard someone call out an APGAR of 7-8, which
sounded good to me for a baby born 2 months early.
I didn't see Seth again until Sunday night and honestly, I don't remember much of the rest of Saturday or Sunday. My family ate Marions pizza in my room Saturday night and I have no memory of that, at all. I don't know if I slept or talked or even thought of the new sweet life in my life. I vaguely remember blacking out when Susan (a wonderful gift of a nurse who saw a picture of me Jason brought and couldn't believe I was the same person she was taking care of - yes, I was that swollen!) and Jason tried to get me out of bed and into a chair. I fell over and heard someone yelling for smelling salts....I also remember another nurse telling me my blood counts were on the cusp of needing a blood transfusion...thankfully, they must have gone up since that was the last we heard of that!
Sunday night, I was wheeled from L&D to the Mother/Baby unit. We made a quick stop to the NICU to see Seth. I put my hand into is isolette and touched his tiny hand almost in disbelief of all that had happened in such a short amount of time. He looked so fragile, yet all his nurses said he was stable and really doing well considering how sick I was. He didn't need any oxygen or any life sustaining measures... just basic preemie care.
Monday, I got a shower! After not being able to shower for 5 days, let me tell you it was a shower I will never forget. I could barely walk or see, but I didn't care. It was one step in the direction of feeling human and I LOVED it...
After cleaning myself up, Jason wheeled me back to our sweet Seth and I got to hold him for the first time. It was so odd holding my very own child 2 days after he was born and not only that, holding him with all sorts of wires hooked up to him. Still, as I held him knowing he was mine, I felt a sense of victory and relief. We had already been through so much together and all signs were showing we were going to be fine.
My blood pressure continued to stay elevated and there was talk of keeping me more days than typical, but thankfully, when Wednesday came, I was discharged with a prescription for blood pressure medicine and a "take it easy" talk from the nurse.
Leaving Seth th
at day was bitter-sweet. We knew he was in the best place for his condition, but hated the reality that he wasn't healthy enough to come home with us. He stayed in the NICU for 26 days. It seemed like everyday we went to visit, we received a great report on his progress. The nurses and doctors were incredible and we truly felt the love they had for our baby and the pride they had in their role in getting him home.
He came home Thursday, May 12. It was one of the most memorable days of my life. Finally, our family was together and ready to start our lives as a family of five.
So here's the story of Seth's birth. It definitely wasn't what I had envisioned, but I am just so thankful for this happy ending. God has blessed us with another amazing gift in the form of a precious baby boy and I can't wait to see what He has in store for the 5 of us.....
One year ago today, I learned sweet Seth was on his way...again...
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