I Missed It Today....

It's been a rough week with my Julia. She's been slow to do what she needs to do and I have been quick to jump on her for the tasks she has either forgotten or refused or taken her sweet time with.

It's only Wednesday, but she has left the house crying/sobbing over something all three days. "Something" being a myriad of not doing what she was told topped off with me losing my patience and snapping at her. Oh and I have been mean. A kind of meaness that does not make me proud of myself no matter how deserving I think my meaness was.

And this morning. Worse.

A few weeks ago, all 5 of us went to Target to pick out Halloween costumes. Having not been allowed to Trick or Treat as a child, this little tradition of ours makes up for some of the fun I know I missed growing up. Choosing what fun (not scary/evil) character to dress my little babies as is so fun!

After not finding any costume and desparate to walk out of Target with something, she decided to choose real clothes from the Disney Line and be CeCe from her favorite show "Shake It Up". Case closed -and closed rather cutely....

Except CeCe has big red hair and I needed to get a big red wig.

Last night, we found an adult-sized red wig at Kroger and Julia thought it was acceptable....You know, these decisions must have the 7 yr old girl's approval.

This morning all was well. Wig was in place - kind of itchy - but we worked that out and headed to school.

We stepped one foot in when panic hit. I could feel it in her hand squeezing mine tighter and tighter as her body slowly shifted to behind mine and as her other hand slid the wig right off her head.

She pulled me to a stop, looked up at me with her round blue eyes now wide with a little girl embarrassment I quickly remembered from so many years ago...

"Mom" she whispered with her thumb in her mouth. "I don't like my costume anymore. Take the wig. I can't do it. Please, don't let anyone see it. Please, Mom."

Instead of saying, "Sweetie, you totally can rock this! You look great. You are CeCe to a tee! Your little friends are going to love it!"

I slithered. I jumped off the cliff of impatience and seethed.

"I paid $5.79 for this wig and you WILL wear it." - Just writing my hateful words chokes me. Not even for what they say, but how I said it. And how I know at that moment she was reaching for my confidence and I smacked back a cheap price tag.

Then I walked out of the school feeling her little presence standing alone in the hallway staring at my back.

It's a bad feeling messing up as a mom. But I'm not writing this to berate myself, but to remind myself of what really matters and how my sweet little Julia is little and needing me to tell her she has what it takes to "rock" whatever she sets her mind to do.

Today, I missed it. But because of today, hopefully tomorrow, I won't.

Joshy in the Middle

I'm the oldest daughter of four and Jason is the youngest of seven. I am controlling, stubborn and have a HUGE  slight tendency to be "my way or the highway." Jason is funny and easy to please. We make a great pair, us two love birds....

But what we don't quite personally understand is....The plight of the middle child - and in our little family... The Plight of Joshua.

This sweet boy is stuck between Princess Julia and Medical Wonder Seth. Julia and her budding gymnastics career and "I've been hospitalized in my almost 18 mths more than all my grandparent's combined" Seth.

So today, I've decided to dedicate a whole post (which at the rate I'm posting is pretty much 10-20% of my posts for the year) to my darling middle child Joshua and the smart, sweet, goofy kid he is.

He loves all things boy. All things farts. All things Mario. And all things family. He cries when it's not a family day. He welcomes me home each day like he hasn't seen me in years. He loves cookies and candy and will always ask for two more for Julia and Seth. He lives on popcicles and always makes sure his buddies have one or two, too. He thanks Jesus (or Je-jus) for his family and teachers everyday with a prayer that would make athiests believe. Joey Votto is his favorite athlete and he will circle the ball park and jump rows to meet Mr. Red Legs if that's what it takes. His eyes disappear when he smiles and his cheeks couldn't be more kissable. And reading this makes me tear up because I just love this boy so, so much.

I could go on and on...but want to share my favorite Joshy story of the year:

A new halloween costume magazine had just come in the mail. Josh grabbed it as we hopped in the car to go pick Julia up from school. He's in the back telling me wants to be a Transformer. No, a Power Ranger. No, Batman. No, DJ Lance. Then, it got quiet. I looked in the rearview mirror as he said, "Mommy, I don't want to be the lady with the nipples."

"Um, what did you say, sweet boy?"

"I don't want to be the lady with the nipples. Maybe you could be the lady with the nipples?"

Holy Frijoles! What kind of p*rno magazine did I just send my kid to the back of the van with?

I pull into the first parking lot I found demanding he bring that magazine to me.

He opened the page and showed me this:

I laughed for about an hour and then some. No, Joshua, you don't have to be the lady with nipples - and I don't have to feel like I screwed up majorly as a mother today....yet.

Oh how I love my middle child, Joshua. He makes me smile and so thankful God chose me to be his momma.

Heigh-Ho

So I'm back to work...and as every October rolls around, I go through this happy/sad/happy/sad/really sad/so freaking happy circus of emotions realizing that I have to leave my babies every morning...and then realizing I get to leave my babies and this year go to The Greene. My company moved while I was off and I am tha-rilled not to have to drive to downtown Dayton everyday.If you haven't been to The Greene, look it up and you will be jealous. It's gorgeous. It's restaurants. It's shopping in my favorite stores. It's Holy Moses please let me not spend my paycheck before I get home amazing.

Every time October rolls around, too, I get a little reflective. Like, I've been off for 6 months, what did I accomplish? Did I do anything meaningful? I know loving and teaching and keeping my kids alive are important things, but I did I do anything of significance? Right before I left my house today, I looked around. Yes, it was still a mess. Yes, laundry still waiting to be folded. No, I found no magic solvent to organize our mountains of toys. Yes, the basement looks like Hiroshima the day after. No, I never sat the kids around to learn the ABC Bible Verse Book I thought would make them love Jesus more. I guess, aside from the Jesus part, everything else is petty. But still, I am desparate to be purposeful during my time off, and each year feel I missed them mark, if even a little.

Anywho. I've decided to make a happy list today. A list not of the Top 10 Things I'll Miss because that might make me cry. My list today is....

Top 10 Things I Love About Working.

Today is a day I need to think positive - not of the tiny little squishy cheeks I'm missing kissing (see, I'm teary-eyed, let's move on to the happy list now).

1. My girl, Monica. She's a co-worker and friend who has my back and yet keeps it real. She tells me gently when I'm being dumb, laughs when I'm being stupid, and is always up for a cup of coffee. I love her and seeing her everyday is great.

2. Um The Greene. Enough Said.

3. My boss's giggle. I just heard it and remember how cute it is.

4. Listening to Elvis Duran's phone tap on my way to the office. I can't do that with babies in the car and they are so funny.

5. Adult conversation. I've been so deep in  PBS/Disney XD/Mario Bros. world, I have barely noticed there is an election coming up and current events outside of Curious George goes to the MET.

6. My other co-workers. I can honestly say, I like them all. They are pleasent and while not all are cut out for BFF status, I know they are good people and I enjoy getting to know them better each year.

7. A paycheck - heck yeah! A little padding in the budget is some way positive news. Especially after Seth's summer of surgeries and Julia's new love of gymnastics.

8. I love what I do. I was made to buy media. I love the negotiations, the planning, getting results, connecting customers to our franchisees, freaking out on people when things don't go right and having them fix it with 50+ bonus spots. Whatever it is, I love it all.

9. I love what I do and I love growing in what I do. Media changes and staying ahead of the curve is important. Each tax season is so different from the other and as dorky as it sounds, I love doing whatever it takes to get the job done and learning from it.

10. Working makes being off even sweeter. I get sad leaving and going. I smile leaving and going. After these 6 months are over, I dive back into staying at home with a passion. My kids get more kisses and hugs and squeezes than they know what to do with once April hits.

So here's my happy list. I'll probably need to read it a few times a week before I adjust, but it's a good thing - this working thing I do ;). Cheers!