Oh, To Remember

It's a perfect rainy Sunday afternoon to still be in my pajamas.

Seth is napping.

Jason and Josh are watching football in the basement.

Julia is doodle-bopping around like only she can do.

I'm on the couch having just started episode 1 of Downton Abbey to see what all the fuss is about.

As I write, 200+ miles away in Beckley, WV, services are going on celebrating one of the most beautiful souls I have ever known. A dear friend from college who walked with me during some of my life's greatest uncertainties, whose love assured me of my worth when I couldn't see it, and who carried herself with grace and dignity in the midst of the unimaginable, passed away on Wednesday. She leaves behind a husband and 3 young children - and holes in the hearts of anyone and everyone she ever met.

Heidi was a gift. I've spent the last few days begging my mind to remember every detail of our friendship. Truth is, I can't recall when we met, but I know I was instantly drawn to her. Her honesty and almost awkward bluntness created a safe place for me to find truth. Her quick wit and bubbly laughter were perfect entertainment while cooped up on campus with little money and no car. Later, when we both were married with children, her peaceful, practical style of keeping order in chaos - or just enjoying the chaos was fresh and inviting.

When Seth was born, she sent me a Facebook note letting me know she was praying for me. She had quite a bit of NICU experience before having to give one of her babies back to Jesus and she offered just to be there for me however I needed. Reading her words gave me strength and peace in such a scary circumstance. Her worst fears had come true years earlier, and here she was on the other side still trusting God - and I knew I needed to do the same.

God, in His goodness, had our paths cross in real life this past summer. Her grandmother lives near me and she had come to visit with her parents and children. We set a date to catch up face to face for the first time in many years.

We met up at Caribou Coffee at the Greene. I was over-the-top excited to see my friend. She had told me about her sickness and the toll it had taken on her physically - how her bright red hair was now a sandy brown and how her weight had dropped significantly - but when I saw her, I knew immediately, it was my dear friend Heidi. Beautiful inside and outside Heidi.

We hugged as long lost friends hug and relished in the details of our lives that you just can't relay on-line or even by phone. She spoke of her little Ainsley who went back to Jesus so young and then how Addison's disease had affected her. She was so matter-of-fact like she always had been accepting this is what God laid out before her and she was going to use it all for good. Typical Heidi style - trusting God and serving others...

We could've talked for hours...and oh, how I wish we could still.

I found she had passed away on my way to work. Since our coffee date, my company had moved its offices to the Greene, and after pulling myself together from sobbing in my car, I walked by that Caribou Coffee glancing blurry-eyed at the two comfy leather chairs in front of the stone fire place where we had our now more precious than ever get together...Thankful for that one last visit and devastated there would be no more visits this side of Heaven.

Her death has hit me hard. I think of this horrible loss I feel not knowing how to begin to comprehend the loss felt by her family and friends close by. I pray for comfort. I pray for the peace and strength she found in God to be poured over her husband, her children, her parents and all those mourning right now. My pastor has said several times over the years that death is life's harshest reality. How true that is for those left behind.

Godspeed, sweet Heidi Peterson Brown, and thank you for everything....I have to believe you fulfilled your God-given purpose more quickly than most and that you'll be waiting, fire red hair and all, for the rest of us....'til then....